fragileprophet | Week 5, Wednesday

[and on the heels of that, before things can return to normal--

it is still cold and dark. you can't see, can't breathe; there's nothing but the rush of water surrounding you and your own thoughts. your own memories.

another cell, another mirror image, though this one wears bandages over his skin and a fox mask over his face. still, he has the same voice when he speaks. and this time, he's the one shackled.

So the most troublesome guy is out of the picture.

"Yes. Indeed." there's a flash of a dark haired man's face, troubled but smiling-- I'm counting on you, he'd said. you push it aside. "I've already identified the vessel. Let's set the plan in motion."

Hey. you pause before leaving the room, turn back to him. Are you me?, he asks.

"We've come this far together as Head, right?"

in the memory, the door closes behind you. in the water, you realize-- he must have been troubled all that time. in a dark cell, wondering if he'd been abandoned...

he'd said something similar to you, after all: Each time you came to the condemned prison gate, you had changed. You were able to smile. Your face had softened. I almost asked, many times... "who are you?"

there is light through the water.

but that's where it ends, where the scenery fades back to the castle-- and shirasu wastes little time pulling ion free of the bubble with him before it can happen again.]

We should-- let's move.

[somewhere else. anywhere but here. somewhere it's safer to speak.]

[Everything comes back in such a rush that there isn't time to react. Ion feels his legs give out, but focuses instead on Shirasu's hold on his arm, pulling him forward, and that alone keeps him standing.]

Right--okay!

[But even when they're behind a closed door, Ion doesn't know what to say, where to start. He braces himself against the closest piece of furniture, and naturally, there's only one thing that seems to come to him.]

I'm sorry.

...it wasn't your doing.

[there's nothing to be sorry for, here. he settles heavily on his bed-- it was easiest to follow his feet back to his own room-- and the red and black dragon he's been caring for wakes with the motion, stretching out on the pillow.]

But I see what you meant, before. About him.

[it's wrong, all wrong. maybe they were never born together, but to be so callous about throwing your other selves away--

it sits poorly with him, more than before.]

[Ion closes his eyes, shaking his head, and gives himself a moment. When he opens them again, he focuses his gaze on the little dragon. That's an easier thing to look at. It makes him feel less...wretched, somehow.]

I haven't wanted my feelings to influence how anyone behaves toward him.

[Though, in this case, it's really more of a "personal experience" and "trauma" than "feelings", but, hey, Ion loves to undersell things.]

...was that who you had mentioned to me before, as well?

You don't need to worry about that. I won't be mentioning this to him.

[not because he won't be influenced by it... but because he considers it to be the other ion's doing, now that he knows more. it can't be blamed on this ion when it was his original's responses in that memory that helped form shirasu's views, right?

...it takes a moment to answer that question, though.]

That was my twin, though, yes.

...thank you.

[He's not surprised that Shirasu won't say anything. He trusts him. Still, it's comforting to hear. His shoulders sag. If the other Ion was confronted about that...what would he even say? How would he react? Ion doesn't want to think about it. It fills him with anxiety.]

It must be so hard being away from him.

You can sit if you'd like.

[both a genuine offer and a way to delay what he means to say next. if ion does at least get closer, the little dragon will probably come to him; it's a curious creature.]

I'll be all right, in the end. He... was already gone, before I came here.

[his absence is something shirasu has already had to come to terms with, as much as he really could have.]

[Ion accepts the offer, and holds out a hand for the dragon to come toward, if it so chooses. Ion's expression crumbles. He's silent, too, for a moment. "I'm sorry" doesn't feel appropriate.]

I see.

[A pause.]

You don't have to talk about it.

[He understands more, now, those scars. Why he was so reluctant to part with them.]

He isn't someone I speak of often.

[out of necessity, and then because it was something he disliked sharing freely. it's a little personal, isn't it? and as much as he appreciates not being offered an apology or pity, he still doesn't look at ion.

the dragon accepts the gesture, climbing on to ion's arm to investigate him-- he's got an additional companion for now.]

But- I suppose the simplest way to put it is that he died to ensure I would go on. [even if it didn't result in much, in the end.] It's easier said than done in a place like this, I know, but I can't die here. It would all have been for nothing.

I understand.

[Not exactly in an all-too-personal light. The other Ion didn't die so he could go on as much as he's alive because the other Ion couldn't go on. And that purpose isn't what drives him forward.]

I know it isn't my place to say...there's little I can do to ensure anything...but I'm sure you'll make it through this.

I wonder about that, sometimes-- but thank you.

[for all that sousei says he won't kill him, that doesn't mean he won't get shirasu killed, or try to turn opinions against him.

there's only so much he can do about that, though. he breathes out a sigh, forces himself to relax a little more.]

... how are things, between you and your counterpart?

[Shirasu. :( ]

I'm not sure. Uncomfortable is probably a good word. Both of us have made attempts at communicating with one another, but I believe having somewhat different values is making it hard for the two of us to fully understand each other.

[Namely their thoughts on human life, but, you know.]

He managed to piece together my gift on his own and confronted me about it...I think he's under the impression that I want to throw my life away, and it frustrates him.

He didn't strike me as the type who'd have such a problem with that, but I suppose it's good that he'd like you to live.

[maybe that's unkind of him to say, but.]

Is there anything in particular you have difficulty understanding, about his views?

I don't know that it has anything to do with me so much as...well.

[He nods his head slightly.]

I am him, so a flagrant disregard of my life is a flagrant disregard of a life that is his.

[Ion sighs, but tries to shake off the thought. He hates feeling so cynical.]

It's hard to say. I get the impression that he carries a lot of resentment toward others, toward his fate, and by all means he's entitled to those feelings...and I do understand how he could be that way. I saw it in another one of his replicas, as well--one that managed to survive from being...

[Gotten rid of. He doesn't say it. Can't say it. Can't think about it.]

I've just never been angry before.

...there can be value in it. It isn't always a feeling to be avoided.

[it can be a motivation, or an acknowledgement that one deserves to feel they were treated poorly.]

But it can be a difficult thing to understand, and it can still become a poison. Sometimes it isn't an entirely rational thing, either.

I can see what my own understanding of him is, if I speak with him a bit more, but I haven't had much opportunity to do so yet.

[There's a pause, and then Ion smiles.]

I think it would be good if you did! I'm sure on his own he'll make a much better impression, and he could use more friends.

[Ion just thinks that friendship fixes everything.]

I might not know much about anger...but I do know that whenever I've felt sad or lonely, it's helped to have someone who will smile at you.

[ION... YOU'RE TOO PURE FOR THIS CASTLE. he can't help a slight smile at that.]

And you've found people like that here, haven't you? I know your partner has seemed to have that sort of presence.

[Too pure to live honestly, put him out of his misery.]

Yes! I've met all sorts of lovely people, yourself included!

[This. Flatterer.]

Natsuo-aniki and I agreed that both of us will use our smiles to keep each other strong.

Edited (important distinction) 2018-07-13 00:08 (UTC)

[hey this shit is bad for his heart? he's a little surprised to hear aniki-- but it sounds like they're good for each other, then. his smile softens slightly.]

I'll count on you two to do just that for each other, then. I get the feeling he could use it sometimes.

--he reminds me very much of people I knew back home. You do too, in a way.

I get the feeling everyone needs that every so often...but it can be harder to admit for some more than others.

[He flushes a little.]

I do? [Ion pauses.] You remind me a little of someone, too! Ah, but maybe a little less cynical.

[Loudly cynical, at least.]

Edited 2018-07-13 00:50 (UTC)

Is that so? What were they like, if you don't mind my asking?

[because yeah, he's definitely curious now.]

[I hope you're ready for endless gushing.]

Well...he's brilliant--the smartest person I've ever met. He's very good at reading others and the situations he finds himself in, but doesn't overstate his confidence. He's a self-aware person who's made some choices in life that he's ashamed of, but uses those feelings to do the right thing for the people who depend on him.

[Ion's expression evens out, softening.]

He has a bit of an infamous reputation...many people would probably be wary of his intentions, but...where others might say that his smile is cold and calculating, I think it's guarded and careful. He...believed in me, and asked me to trust him with my life, so I do.

...that's quite a flattering comparison, then, if I remind you of him at all.

[maybe there are parts of it he doesn't exactly deserve, but he's also not going to say as much-- ion is on a very short list of people he genuinely likes, after all.]

I suppose it would be impossible to take responsibility for anyone's life, here, but-- I do hope you at least trust that I would do what I can for you.

[that's an even shorter list.]

...I would!

[It startles him to hear Shirasu say such a thing, but his posture straightens, his whole expression brightening.]

I mean, I do, of course! Thank you--that's so kind of you to say! I can't do very much here, but...I would do the same for you!

We're in agreement, then.

[that comes along with a small nod; the way ion brightens like that is another familiar thing, one he certainly doesn't mind seeing in this case.]

If you find you need assistance with your goals, you can come to me for that as well.

Goals? Oh, you mean our objectives?

[Ion's expression becomes hesitant as he looks down at the dragon that's perched on his arm, carefully reaching out with is other hand to stroke its baby-soft scales.]

Thank you. I don't think I'll be completing mine at all, but I appreciate the offer just the same! I'd be happy to help you with anything you need, as well.

[the dragon has no objection to being pet-- it makes itself comfortable, taking a moment to stretch its wings, while shirasu watches that shift in ion's expression.]

It's something you find objectionable, then...? I believe I've run into the same problem, actually.

[in all honesty, it isn't one he really minds, but it is a bit of a problem regardless.]

Yes and no.

[Ion doesn't lose his smile, but his eyes take on that sad sheen once again.]

Knowing that at least some objectives that involve taking someone's life, I feel a measure of relief for what I've been assigned--I couldn't possibly follow through with something like that.

[The "but" hangs in the air as he continues to give attention to the lazing dragon.]

Ah...this is a bit of an oversimplification, but I've been tasked to die.

Ion--

[that's very concerning, even if he says it's an oversimplification?? shirasu's brow furrows at that.]

That's... quite the odd task, considering it seems we're meant to get something out of accomplishing them. You can hardly have that if you've died... I wonder if you've misread the intent behind it.

[but also:]

-you haven't told your counterpart, have you?

I don't think I have.

[He's poured over his rulebook for weeks, always checking it again as if hoping for the words to change, some new meaning to show itself.]

I've been asked to die in someone's arms, succumbing to injuries that are unable to be healed. It pairs perfectly with my ability.

[Ion sighs.]

No, I haven't told him. I've only told a couple of people. It's possible any of them have spread the knowledge further, but...I don't want to worry anyone.

That's for the best, then. It sounds like the sort of thing you should keep from him-- and others.

[and it's still... well, it's something, all right.]

I know we've seen there was one way to bring someone back, but you can't count too much on there being more... not to mention that it could just make you a target.

Was this your first one?

I'm honestly surprised it hasn't already.

[Ion is way too trusting. He has basically Strictly told The Worst People to Tell. It's a testament to how endearing he is.]

But yes, this is my first objective. I've been thinking about it more and more--it's hard not to. I asked for a private audience with Lady Dragon several weeks ago now in regards to it.

[i'd like to tell you he's not continuing that pattern now, but here we are...]

I suppose they vary, then. I had thought perhaps they just-- escalated, over time; it took until my fourth to receive one I'm less certain about, personally.

[there goes that theory, though. he shakes his head slightly.]

Did she provide you any insight?

[Ion nods. It's an understandable assumption to make. It seems that anyone who's had a more difficult objective has been simply keeping quiet about it.]

Yes. I asked her several things: if because of my objective, I could be notified in advance if I'm selected as a target. That way, I can make any final preparations that I may need. She agreed, though of course I won't have any knowledge of who may have chosen me or why. I also asked if I may report my wish to her in advance, so that she may serve as my proxy once I've earned it. Again, she agreed...however, I have to choose a new one. The wish I gave her before would be impossible to grant now.

...at least you'll have that much.

[it still sits a bit poorly with him, though.]

If it would be impossible to use now... may I ask what it was you gave her, originally?

Oh, that's fine.

[Shirasu basically knows Everything about him at this point.]

I asked for a second chance for Sandalphon. I wanted him to be spared from being executed for lacking a partner. I couldn't in good conscious go through with fulfilling my objective thinking it would doom him, so...

[It breaks his heart.]

It's funny. The entire time I was scheming to save his life, he was doing the same for me.

[But, moving on.]

The logical thing would be to wish for the same thing for Natsuo, but...it's different. Of course, I don't want him to fall to the same sort of fate, but...it's just...I think he'd be upset if I did such a thing, so I want to use my wish to help someone in some other way. I never would have wanted to use it for myself, to begin with.

You two must have fit well together, then, for your aims to be so similar.

[it's a little touching, kind of...]

-I don't think you're wrong about Natsuo, though, much as I would hate to see it happen to him too. Being saved again seemed to weigh on him.

[a pause, there, while he considers something.]

Ion. Understand that this is something I can only tell you because I trust you to keep it to yourself; it would be too easy for it to look suspicious. But in the event that anyone who chooses you tells you they've done so-- I've been tasked with convincing at least one person that a guilty party is innocent. I know you seem the type to help people, so- I could speak for their innocence after your death, if you wished them to be spared.

I think in that sort of circumstance, it might be easier to do, though I know the method is still... off-putting.

[it'd be easier on him if anyone found out, anyway, not to mention he'd know who to kill later.]

[Ion’s expression becomes serious as Shirasu explains his objective before it melts into visible relief. He puts a hand over his heart, letting out a breath.]

Thank you...it means a lot to me that you’d trust me with that information. And if I’m able, I’ll definitely tell you what I can—or ask whoever targets me to trust you to help. I don’t want them to be punished for whatever happens to me.

If it comes to pass, then I promise I will do what I can.

[at least until that goal is accomplished.]

But I'm sure you know I would much prefer if it didn't.

[After that all gloves are off!]

Yes...I prefer the same thing.

[Despite his unflinchingly calm demeanor, when he puts his hands down on his knees, they curl into tight fists.]

Despite what my self-sacrificing tendencies may say about me...or what anyone’s impression may be of me...I want nothing more than to live.

Week 5, Wednesday - Shirasu

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