Week 2, Tuesday — Waver

[fragileprophet]

[Late into the evening, the only place that Waver will be able to find Ion is in his room. The reason is pretty clear right away: he’s collapsed in exhaustion on his bed, but it seems like more than just his usual dizzy spells. He’s shuddering, broken out in a cold sweat. He doesn’t notice anyone knock or come in. Trouble.]

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[fragileprophet]

I don't mind; it doesn't hurt.

[His mouth twists, his eyes flashing at the suggestion of pride. He thinks about how he got this injury, just earlier tonight. He'd sworn up and down so many times that if he insisted on healing a person, he'd warn them beforehand what effects it would have on his own body. But, once again, fearing that he'd be pushed away and not allowed to help, he acted impulsively. He let Varian believe it would be fine. That there were no catches.

And how upset he'd made Varian...his friend. Imagining the look on his face, the things he'd said, he feels just so ashamed. But what can he say, when Waver is doing all of this? He can't say how he's afraid of anyone raising their voices at him even one more time, out of concern or otherwise. Ion pushes through a knot in his throat.]

You're really so kind. I don't know how to thank you.

[londonstar]

Tch. Do you think I’m blind?

[ waver clicks his tongue, clearly having seen through ion. it’s not the first time he’s seen a boy ready to fall apart and just barely holding himself together and he doubts it will be the last. each time it’s just as frustrating; what do they think to gain from this? ]

I don’t know what kind of childhood you had, if any. However, a boy like you should not shoulder the weight of everyone’s injuries and force themselves to smile. If I can heal people as well, then I will shoulder that responsibility.

[fragileprophet]

I'm sorry.

[And he is, as demeaning as his apologies are, he just doesn't know how else to respond.]

I just don't have anything else that I can do. Without this power, I'm...

[Useless. Worthless.]

[londonstar]

You're what? Useless? Replaceable? [ haha now this is something waver understands. sorry ion, you can't even keep that a secret.

he frowns, shaking his head. ]

That is untrue. Every person has some merit. For their friends, their family, for themselves, even. You know when you're useless? When you're dead. [ for less than a second, there's a pained look on waver's expression, the memory of his king's final order coming back to him.

live on, waver.

what a troublesome order. even now, waver has to continue following it-- as his retainer. ]

So don't give up yet. You have a whole life ahead of you.

[fragileprophet]

[It happens again. This isn't the first time. He can't stand that he's become so transparent. The words are so important to him and so meaningful but he just laughs bitterly at the idea. The sound of his own voice makes him wince. Tensing, Ion grips his chest with the hand of his uninjured arm.]

I wish that were true...I really wish...

[He slams his eyes shut before he can cry, willing the tears back.]

But I'm already dead.

[londonstar]

[ again, waver is no good when it comes to comforting others. even when ion tears up, admitting that he is already dead, he doesn't do much more other than sigh. ]

So what? You're not dead now. As long as your heart beats, you're still alive. [ he huffs ] And I will make sure that heart beats for as long as possible.

[fragileprophet]

[Ion can think of so many different things to say. That the whole point of his life is to be used and then thrown away. That saving him is a waste of his time and energy. That he doesn’t deserve all these extra moments. Extra days. He’s setting everyone up to hurt because of every decision he makes here. That each new friend he makes just hurts even more, because he knows that dying is his only option.

But for once, he tells the truth. A softly spoken secret that he’s never told a soul:]

I don’t want to die.

[londonstar]

[ finally. the confession pulls an exhausted smile out of waver, who realizes in the back of his head that he's probably healed ion as much as his gift allowed him to.

it's far more than his third-rate magic would have allowed him to. ]

There you go. It's better to be honest with yourself. [ he sighs ] Then I'll do my best so that doesn't happen. So you can live as long as possible.

[fragileprophet]

[Ion nods weakly, not having the words to express how he feels. How helpless and hopeless he still feels, even despite the promise or how much it means. So he covers his face with his arm and just for a moment, between the two of them, lets himself cry. He lets himself forget those fake, painful, sad smiles.]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[The healed arm has a nasty looking scar where the gash was, and his shoulder seems slightly out of place--but it's all healed. That's all that matters.]

[londonstar]

It's nothing.

[ he sighs, sitting at the edge of the bed. he doesn't want to leave just yet, if only to make sure that ion will stay alright, both physically and mentally. ]

You may always come to me when you need help.

slams back into this

[fragileprophet]

Alright.

[As Ion's tears finally ebb and a wash of calm settles over him, Ion takes a deep breath.]

Actually, I need a bit more help right now, if you don't mind.

[It's a bit awkward, but he sits himself up so he can pull his robe up over his head. There are a few various injuries he's sporting--but most of them are small. It's the bound, bloody gash in his side that's notably concerning. He'd been able to hide that one more easily with layers, but it's clear that it's just as fresh as the one on his arm that was just healed.

No wonder he was so faint.]

[londonstar]

[ how the fuck are you smiling with that kind of wound, is what waver almost yells out. but he doesn't hold back the way that he frowns, teeth gritting upon seeing that. ]

Damn it, how'd the hell did you get that?

[ however, he's not going to wait for an answer. he'll get onto healing that immediately. ]

[fragileprophet]

[How, indeed. He really doesn't seem like he's experiencing any discomfort outside of dizziness.]

Ah...it seems several people got into trouble today going outside the castle. They all looked so bad, I couldn't decide on just one.

[So, the solution: nearly kill himself.]

I thought because it didn't hurt it wouldn't matter, but I really did try to do too much.

[londonstar]

You absolutely did.

[ he groans in frustration, but continues healing him. ]

If you ever see anything of that nature, then tell me. If I can heal them to an extent, then the damage you'd receive would be less.

[fragileprophet]

But if I can heal them fully...

[He knows before he finishes his sentence that this is absolutely not what Waver wants to hear nor is it the point, and yet.]

Then I don't mind taking the extra damage left over when you heal me afterward!

[londonstar]

Did you not listen to a word that I said?!

[ nope ion, that is definitely not what waver wants to hear. ]

You need to stop treating yourself like something disposable!

[fragileprophet]

[Ion's practically pouting without realizing.]

But...

[It's a hard mentality to shake.]

It's just that everyone can do so much more good than I can, so...

[londonstar]

You're a child. There's so many things that you can still do, even in this place.

[ he rolls his eyes. ]

Feeling useless is something that I'm not a stranger to. Once, I was even willing to die for some sort of acknowledgement. And you know what? It's not necessary. And don't even try to tell me that it's different because you've already died once, because I'll find a way to stop that from happening again.

[fragileprophet]

...I'm sorry.

[He's not sure what else to say. As Waver's healing reaches its peak ability, Ion is left with a brutal looking, but no longer damaging, scar where the wound once was. He feels...guilty.]

Then I...I'll try to find what that is, that I can do.

[londonstar]

[ once waver recognizes that he's reached his limit, he breathes a sigh, pulling his hands away. ]

Your kindness is an ability on its own. However, you must learn the difference between kindness and nearly dying for others. [ he pauses for a moment, and then: ] It would be sad to see potential talent go so soon.

[fragileprophet]

Talent?

[Ion smiles sadly to himself. He wonders what that means. He wonders what he could do, ever, outside of what he’s been expected in the capacity of the Fon Master.]

Someone told me something similar once before...that I could make a brighter future just with my smile. I never expected to hear such a thing a second time.

[londonstar]

Yes...kindness can go a long way in some situations. In others, not so much. [ he huffs. the last thing he wants is for ion to get the wrong idea, especially in this place. ] Always have a degree of caution with when you give your kindness to a stranger, but never diminish it.