Week 3, Saturday Post-Trial - Natsuo

[fragileprophet]

[It's been a long and trying day. At the end of it, it's not surprising to find Natsuo collapsed in bed. Ion sits down softly beside him, putting a hand gently on his back.]

I'm here if you want to talk...about anything at all.

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[fragileprophet]

[A lot of things cross Ion's mind that he knows he shouldn't say. There's no place for these thoughts here...they'd serve no purpose aside from further confusion. But being of use and being used...they're two very different things. It breaks Ion's heart.]

Back home...I spent a long time wondering what it was about me that mattered at all. I had a position of power, but I felt like I was just a tool being used to further the agendas of other people stronger than me...agendas I didn't even agree with.

[He pauses.]

But then someone told me something that changed everything. She said that the most powerful thing about me was how I made people feel just by smiling at them. And you know...when you smile at me, I feel like I can do anything.

[randori]

[ Being used, being useful, being helpful, all those things are so muddled in Natsuo's head, who confuses one for the others because being used means he's useful and being helpful makes him incredibly happy. Even though he's done things he hated or were dangerous or scary, he'd never felt forced into those situations- he agreed because he wanted to be useful. He did it because he wanted somebody to pat him on the head, to smile at him, to tell him "good job."

It feels like he will never get to experience any of that ever again. He reaches for Ion's hand, uncertain, and stops himself before actually touching. ]

Me too. I love seeing you smile- I love seeing everybody's smiles. It makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing. But for me... I don't know if I can smile anymore.

[fragileprophet]

[When Ion sees Natsuo's hand stop before reaching his own, he bridges the gap for him, sliding their fingers together and squeezing.]

I feel the same way.

[And he smiles now, faint and sad.]

You can--you will be able to. You have a spirit brighter than any I've ever seen before. No matter how dark the day gets, just by being here and being you, I know we'll all make it through.

[randori]

[ A spirit like a raging fire, bright and warming and threatening to consume everything in its path just a few hours ago- that spirit of his can be dangerous, but it's bolstered by Ion's smile, and the hands Natsuo clasps in both if his, head bowed to press his forehead against the knuckles. ]

...I hope so. I want to be somebody everybody can look to and find courage- everybody's aniki. I wasn't a very good one today, but I'll try harder. I'll try harder to be happy [ somehow ] and make people happy [ somehow ]

[fragileprophet]

[Dangerous, but no less beautiful. Natsuo just needs to learn how to harness it properly, in a way that won't cause destruction.]

I think trying is the best thing that you can do. You'll keep learning, as long as you keep listening.

[Natsuo's skin is so warm--so much warmer than his own. It puts him at ease, if only a little.]

Everybody takes missteps from time to time...but what will set you apart is your ability to recover and reroute. You're not the sort of person who ever gives up, so I know that this was just another bump in the road.

[randori]

[ It depends on if he listens, though, right? Again and again, he's really grateful that Ion is his partner. —No, that's not right. He's grateful that Ion is his friend, who would take him aside like this and talk with him, calm him down and turn him towards the right path again. ]

—Got it. I definitely won't give up. You have this much faith in me, so I absolutely can't let you down!

[fragileprophet]

In that case...I'll do my best not to let you down either!

[Not that he ever intended to, mind you, but it bears saying.]

If neither of us can do anything else, we'll use our smiles to assist those who can.

[KILL 'EM WITH KINDNESS. But, like, don't kill them.]

[randori]

[ ...

He can't help it, seeing Ion's smile, the fact that he believes in the two of them. ]

Yes! We'll smile and help everybody through in our own ways!

[ And then he completely breaks down crying on Sunday but shhh, he'll bounce back ]